This year I am writing much ahead of my Bday. Well, I received a mail from one of my childhood friends about an estranged friendship. This prompted me to write here much earlier. My memories are fresh in my mind, I remember my childhood days, pampered and at the same time neglected. Here it is an oxymoron. Life can never be full of oxymorons.

I grew up like any other living being, but was distinct in emotions. I was attached and detached for all the right and wrong reason. Again, life is an oxymoron for me. I crossed my school days, drifted to the university. I took up courses which were never related, oh no here's an oxymoron again.

Friends were serious, families were problematic, well the O continues its journey. I gave a screeching halt to my life and said change the patterns of life and make it right. The O shrunk in its size. The mammoth O from my infant days, till my varsity days shrunk. Well, I sighed and thought the O will become non-existent.

Then came the bells; the bells were rung and the O just shifted its sides. Again, I knew the O was not overshadowing me, but wanted to gobble me. Here's the fight, the fight to kill the O. 

I went back and forth in my memory lane. The journey gave me fresh perspectives to life, incidents, memories and experiences. I was drifted and landed in a roller-coaster ride. Now it is still. I felt the silence after a storm. 

The wheel started spinning. I met all the forgotten associates; I got updates from all the estranged relationships, what is happening! People with whom I wanted to connect; people that I wanted to forget; some pampered me; some fumed and fretted by my presence. Same people but in different roles. The ones I wanted to connect were estranged. News poured in about the long forgotten ones, re-kindling fresh memories and wounds, the ones who claimed they cared for me fretted and fumed by my life.

I realized, silently the O has become a mammoth again. Here is the O in front of me within me tormenting me with my memories.  I just asked a question: - O who are you? I am life's circle came the answer and you are in the middle of the circle! I create chaos, and give clarity. Clarity and Chaos: - you are the real O. Why me of all the people? O said: - Well, you see me through your conscious and realize my existence. I am visible to all those who realize me and I diminish my presence after realization. There's no beginning or end to me. I am the eternal!

The O is a circle! Is my life completing the circle and beginning all again? Where is the beginning and where is the end in a circle. I don't need to worry, when the dice are rolled down into my sphere, the O will spin its coin. The cast brings back fortunes, lost memories, bitter experiences and wisdom; the wisdom, to be a silent spectator to the finesse of life. It is life's journey, like wild water rafting, not dangerous with the life jacket called wisdom.

Well.. this is what happened last year. This year, I am still in the middle, but the circle is moving around me. So O what are you offering me this year that's a surprise. The dice will be cast on the Roulette table and I will wait until the dice is cast every day.