The strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde has always been my favorites since my school. When I read it in my primary school, I often wondered how a man can have two forms within him.

Today I see Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde within me. Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rapidly change their forms within me leaving people around me quizzical about myself. I've strangely realized that I must kill Mr. Hyde. The other day he showed me his ugly face by the time I wrestled with him and threw him out, it was late. He has left his imprints everywhere in my life, and I am unable to clean them.

The imprints. acrimonious smell and the solicitous face are shadowing Dr. Jekyll. Dr. Jekyll that's gentle, magnanimous, the every caring and understanding one is swallowed by Mr. Hyde. Like Lady Macbeth I cry in vain, "Here's the smell of the blood still; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten". I have started the fight to vanquish Mr. Hyde. I can hear him moan, roar with anger and the pain within me is numb.

I am gathering strength and courage to face this Goliath within me. I see Dr. Jekyll emerging from the darkness but overshadowed by Mr. Hyde. How will I kill Mr. Hyde? When will I attend his funeral? May be when I rest someday, he too will rest!

It's time to retrospect. Well, I cleared my garden this year. Removed all the overgrown and unwanted weeds and planted again.

I was thinking to myself, asking myself how strong I am, could I have cleared the weeds long time ago. Well, it made me sad when I realized I had allowed them to grow. The answer came from Winfrey's speech. I asked myself why I allowed this to happen. I loved them earnestly. I wanted them to shape themselves too. I succumbed to them. I succumbed not because I was weak I succumbed because I loved. I acted responsibly by supporting them, allowing them to take charge, but they did not hear to the whispers of life that the going will be great.

Acting responsibly is not weakness, or letting others to live is not weakness but it is a sign of growth. I realized that I had allowed them to grow but they grew erratically and I had to again act responsibly by removing them, so they don't ruin the rest of the garden.

Ah! I know I am not weak, I am responsible. I realized this today. The year before made me responsible and the years to come will hone me!

I slept. It was war time. The armies were badgering every other village. The people marched in groups towards an unknown destination.  The path battered by blood and hatred. The young, the old, the youth, the infants, the mothers and every other living being moved in anguish, fatigue and restlessness. The air was filled with occasional whimpers and the stench of sweat, desperateness and desolateness.

The hunger army marched to the camp. The soldiers hypocritically were strong and brave. The mother and her children curled themselves to a shelter. The lady tried to keep her children in good humor. The soldier dropped their ration. The ration was enough for her children. The siren blew suddenly. The news broke, the war's over, peace would fill the air, the hunger army can return to their village. The eerie calmness broke into a sudden chattering of the groups.

The mother closed her eyes; she saw the vast green fields, her cattle, the sun rays on her roof top, her children running around the farm, the produce from the farm, the simple and a joyous life untouched by hatred and scarcity.

She opened her eyes and quickly realized the hunger in her and her children. The hunger that was numb because of uncertainty came to life with peace. To her dismay the ration was just enough for her children, the food was dry and lifeless but the soul was drenched with new hope. She fed her children and saw the crumbs on her pale fingers. She took a deep breath and the odor of the food satiated her. She was happy and smiled through her cracked lips. The gentle breeze caressed her with the sprinkles of the spring showers. The showers filled the air with new life.

I woke up with the sprinkles of the spring shower. My soul was rejuvenated with life and youth. The winter is over and spring’s here. The first rays of the sun touched my soul and I was let free to live my life again.  

Travel to Vegas, LA, Canyon, Florida, Washington DC, Yellow Stone, Mt. Rushmore, Anchorage, Upper Peninsula, Egypt, Norway, Sweden, Russia;nevertheless to a place where I truly belong and that belongs to me!

Learn Violin, Sanskrit, Tamil Literature, Meaning of the Tamil Literature Songs, Swin, go for deep sea Diving, Mountain Biking, White Water Rafting, Alps, play the songs from the Sound of Music on a Key Board, reduce weight, network with long lost friends, give life to someone, walk in the mountains, drive around the lakes, hills and valleys in the country side, be confident always, have a go-getter attitude, stand up for all the right things at the right time, be genuine, honest, humble, humane,make others laugh and smile and lot more..

I was given an array of horse to choose. I selected a dark horse, which appeared to be stable and strong. Initially I did not ride this horse, and later when I did regularly, I realized that he was not very cooperative and failed to take me to places where I wanted to go. I had a great difficulty in placing the saddle and finally achieved doing it. He was nice for a while and gave me a confidence that the going will be great.

It was time for him to drink some water and have a wash. I took him to the pool, but he turned away from the pool, so I dragged him to the pool. I knew the journey we have undertaken necessitates both of us to be strong and agile. I was prepared for the journey, but he was not ready to understand why I wanted him to drink water and have a wash.

In moments of frustration, I hit him and shouted at him for not understanding the situation. He neighed, bit and kicked me with his legs. He fell on the ground tired and sad. I understood him, because I chose him. I realized that he was very lonely in the stable. When all others were trying to race against each other, showed the beauty of their mane and valor, he was left alone. As a pony, he was playful and irresponsible and was persistently mocked by others. The deep wounds have made him stubborn and a loner. He was left to his devises to fend his way. Others did not understand what he felt. I owned him and made the world see what he wanted. Nevertheless, the world looked at me as a rebel. The bolt came when he too joined the bandwagon in calling me a rebel, not realizing that I was fighting for his benefit and welfare. I am hurt, wounded and too tired for the rest of the journey. I want to go to far away places.

What should I do now? Shall I shoot the horse or wait for him to understand?

Question:  Did I really choose an horse or is it a jackal in an horse's clothing?

Answer: Never-mind to which genus he belongs. I have removed the saddles, just let him go his way, and I have decided to travel alone in this far and wide world. Ah! my soul is drenched by peace and tranquility now.

I look at the mirror as soon as I wake up. I don't see anyone new on the mirror. It's same old person that I am seeing for ages. The mirror just reflects me, after every landmark in my life, when I look at the mirror it shows me a new person; a person that has evolved from a milestone. I get used to the new person on the mirror until I reach another landmark. I do not know how many new faces I have seen on the mirror, but I distinctly remember the most recent one. The one that has bowed to life, reached equilibrium, radiates wisdom, last not but not the least is seeing the self with utmost piety.

I never hated the earlier ones that faded away nor do I love the new person on the mirror. I wonder what if I meet every other person who has faded away in me over the years. Whom will I like, whom will I discipline, whom will I swear to forget. Ah! That’s a tough choice. If I had had the wand to change my past, I will start my life again and create the most beautiful person, which the mirror will envy to reflect; the person that cannot be seen by the naked eyes.

I want to go back with this new face, meet all those that fretted me, fumed at me and loved me.  Ah! The wave is spreading now and it will reach the desired shores soon, and the tides will return to me soon with fortunes, truth, and grace.

I bought my lunch today and was eating quietly. My friend joined me soon and we started chatting. During the course I told her, it's my bad time the US economy is not all that great and it sabottages my plans of moving to the US. With utmost clarity she told me the time is always good but I am taking a wrong desicion to move to the US. First I need to be clear about my priorities and success will follow me. How true are her words? She is much younger to me, but still she was an eye opener to me today.

This year I am writing much ahead of my Bday. Well, I received a mail from one of my childhood friends about an estranged friendship. This prompted me to write here much earlier. My memories are fresh in my mind, I remember my childhood days, pampered and at the same time neglected. Here it is an oxymoron. Life can never be full of oxymorons.

I grew up like any other living being, but was distinct in emotions. I was attached and detached for all the right and wrong reason. Again, life is an oxymoron for me. I crossed my school days, drifted to the university. I took up courses which were never related, oh no here's an oxymoron again.

Friends were serious, families were problematic, well the O continues its journey. I gave a screeching halt to my life and said change the patterns of life and make it right. The O shrunk in its size. The mammoth O from my infant days, till my varsity days shrunk. Well, I sighed and thought the O will become non-existent.

Then came the bells; the bells were rung and the O just shifted its sides. Again, I knew the O was not overshadowing me, but wanted to gobble me. Here's the fight, the fight to kill the O. 

I went back and forth in my memory lane. The journey gave me fresh perspectives to life, incidents, memories and experiences. I was drifted and landed in a roller-coaster ride. Now it is still. I felt the silence after a storm. 

The wheel started spinning. I met all the forgotten associates; I got updates from all the estranged relationships, what is happening! People with whom I wanted to connect; people that I wanted to forget; some pampered me; some fumed and fretted by my presence. Same people but in different roles. The ones I wanted to connect were estranged. News poured in about the long forgotten ones, re-kindling fresh memories and wounds, the ones who claimed they cared for me fretted and fumed by my life.

I realized, silently the O has become a mammoth again. Here is the O in front of me within me tormenting me with my memories.  I just asked a question: - O who are you? I am life's circle came the answer and you are in the middle of the circle! I create chaos, and give clarity. Clarity and Chaos: - you are the real O. Why me of all the people? O said: - Well, you see me through your conscious and realize my existence. I am visible to all those who realize me and I diminish my presence after realization. There's no beginning or end to me. I am the eternal!

The O is a circle! Is my life completing the circle and beginning all again? Where is the beginning and where is the end in a circle. I don't need to worry, when the dice are rolled down into my sphere, the O will spin its coin. The cast brings back fortunes, lost memories, bitter experiences and wisdom; the wisdom, to be a silent spectator to the finesse of life. It is life's journey, like wild water rafting, not dangerous with the life jacket called wisdom.

Well.. this is what happened last year. This year, I am still in the middle, but the circle is moving around me. So O what are you offering me this year that's a surprise. The dice will be cast on the Roulette table and I will wait until the dice is cast every day.

I went with my co-workers to Cedar Point, Sandursky. We started at 2 PM from Farmington Hills. I was very prompt in going to the lobby to wait for others to join the trip. All of us are new to this part of the country and to be honest to the US as such. I requested the front-desk assistant for a map to Sandursky from Farmington Hills. To our dismay the printer refused to cooperate with our planned amusement park trip.

The first roller-coaster ride started with handling the printer and taking a print-out. It was a very warm Saturday afternoon. We navigated all our way to Cedar Point. The second ride was at the ticket counter. Our international debit cards refused to work and we pooled money to buy tickets.

We were excited about our rides. I had never been to an amusement park in all my life and since my childhood I am suffering from vertigo. I was determined to defeat my fear. I had never even had a giant wheel ride.

All of us confidently stood in the queue for one of the ride. We never bothered to worry about the twists and turns of the ride and my heart started missing its beat and my mind was clouded whether to be a part of the ride.

I did not want to show my meekness to my co-workers. My turn came to sit in the ride. The assistant helped us to lock the seat belts and the seats as such. I felt as if I was sealed to the seat. The train started chugging and it went to a good altitude for 140 ft. Suddenly, I do not know why it went berserk. It dropped, twisted, turned, wriggled, and turned all of us 180 degrees upside down. I closed my eyes and called the name of my Lord and shrieked and so where others. I forgot that there was a camera in front of me recording my reactions. It went for 2 minutes and suddenly it halted and when I opened my eyes I knew the machine was calm and composed and it was waiting for others to see its might.

We got down and started laughing while discussing our experiences. We went to the counter and there we saw the camera had recorded our reactions. I laughed at myself for being hyper.

In our lives we have several such roller coaster rides, we cry scream and go in frenzy. Unfortunately these rides are not for 2 minutes it is much more than that; perhaps for days, months and years. When we come out of those rides we never reflect on how we were. If at all we can reflect on those like the video footage, all of us might laugh at ourselves for not being a sport, and thinking laterally to handle situations!